XOXO Gossip Squirrel! Some chick hacked a dude I was bangings gmail…


Dudes! I got some “XOXO” for you!
This dude I have been banging apparently fucked some chicks world up, so she hacked into his email and pretended to be him and wrote me a cryptic email and then forwarded me some of his emails and gchats with other chicks! Now, don’t get it twisted, he didn’t do anything fucked up to me: we were very casual and hung out about once a week, we have never had any kind of “relationship” talk, and since I am fucking other people I can’t even begin to be jacked about him banging a bunch of other chicks. However, since he clearly fucked two chick’s worlds up, I don’t feel like a assperson for posting this gossip. I can’t believe I just became Gossip Girl because of my dick lovin’ nature! It should be noted that I meet this dude on Halloween and we banged in a playground that was across from a police station while I was dressed as a dream catcher and later he told me he was really bugged out about staying hard because a) he was hella drunk and b) I had ripped part of my outfit so we could fuck and he felt “pressure”- what he didn’t realize is that I had ripped my fishnets and who the fuck cares about ripping the crotch of fishnets because they are just going to blow out when you drop it low on the dance floor anyway.

(note got the pinky up, staying classy and trashy)
The first email was from Playground Sex and I forwarded it to all my ladies:
Playground Sex: have no fear your time will be soon when you fall for me and i screw up your life if your smart you wont fall in love with me but if your not i wish you the best of what is yet to come
Calisha Jenkins: wtf? are you already wasted at 10:30? interrobang?!

He didn’t reply and we were supposed to go out that night. I had no idea what to think of this email but I felt like he knew the difference between your and you’re. So, I texted him “yo, cryptic email. You must have fucked some girl’s world up. but, I am going to gamble. are we still hanging out tonight?”
I can’t save texts because I have a phone from ’03 but his reply was something like “shit, what did it say and yes.” Blah, Blah, Blah we hang out later and bang and the email didn’t come up until the morning.
PS: So, what did that email say?
CJ: Oh, something about how I shouldn’t hang out with you because I will fall in love and you will distroy me.
He rambled on about the hacking of the email not really saying anything of importance and I mentioned he should change his password (duh) and he was very nonchalant about how he needed to change it. Now, you better believe, if someone had tapped into my shit I would have dragged my drunk ass out of whatevs and gone to a internet cafe. So, a week or so goes by and I hit him up to see if he wants to go this art show or possibly drive me to Atlantic City (bitch got a whip, what?).
A couple hours after that I get a bunch of forwards from his email:

5:41 PM PS: mike from the bar isnt picking up the phone
i hope he isnt ignoring me for some reason
5:42 PM PS: maybe you can date him until i get the job, then you can stop, haha
5:44 PM Special Lady Friend: awh yeah maybe i’ll think about it but i didnt screw
it up you did
PS: what did i do?
SLF: he asked if he could ask me out and you were like ahhh i dont know
remeber
remember haha
5:45 PM PS: i thought thats what you wanted
well, you can go on a date now if you want
i think thats my in
SLF: haha stop it im not gona
he was kinda weird and how could he like that much already??? im not
that awesome…or am i???
5:46 PM PS: mh
i meant hm
SLF: but if u think i can get you a job maybe i could but youd
have to do a lot of ass kissing
PS: to whom?
SLF: hmmm….what are you contemplating something
5:47 PM me obviously
PS: ha
SLF: id have to sacrifice myself and date him
PS: dont be selfish
i would date a weirdo for you
5:49 PM ok, well anyways, do you want to hang in the city after your interview>?
i may come in early to go to my parents so we could hang
SLF: sure i think id be done by 2
5:50 PM PS: cool
ill shoot to be there by then and we can find somewhere to go
are you bringing your bike?
5:51 PM SLF: no im coming from pa tomorrow morning
5:52 PM PS: oh, so youre going straight to the city then?
SLF: yes in deed
5:54 PM PS: ok, well im going to jump in the shower now
i guess ill jsut plan on meeting you somewhere in the city tmrw
5:59 PM SLF: k wack off in the shower

The next email I got forwarded was way to personal for me to post but I will give you the closing paragraph:
“wish you loved me but love sucks and hopefully soon i will die….haha
kidding i just beat cancer bitch im not fucking dying…… no way…not
never….” (like…whoa..)
And in the middle she says “please dont continue to do this to people you will only have the same end result of girls beating the shit out of you” bwahahahahaha! (I do not support domestic abuse of any kind, but that is fucking funny!)

His reply:
first off, youre not the only one who feels a loss. ive said
numerous times that i am selfish and try to get you back because i like hanging out with you and miss you. so when we arent together, it is a loss. i know what we had recently was kind of fucked up because it was like we were (obviously I was wrong about his cunjunction skills) both going out but we werent. but honestly, i thought you were dating and that this could work without me fucking your life up again. it almost worked this time. im sorry again, and ill try to not do this to anyone else either. i hope you get that bar job and at least you have one big thing you dont have to worry about this year.
did i sense a little bit of humor at the end there? fuck it, just be
happy when you can. im going to miss you in vt, even if i replace you with one of my sluts, blah, blah, blah. but really, i hope you have a good time doing whatever your doing. and im still going to send you mixes whether you want them or not.

Another email from him but probably from Jacked Hacker Chick:
JHC: told you i would win bitch
Special Lady Friend: Really…..????????? whos acting hostile now
Play Ground Sex: > > aw shit. not again. when did you get that? i havent emailed anything to you since yesterday. fuck. i thought this was over
SLF: yeah ok just like you to blame somone else for shit you say and do. just leave me the fuck alone i get it your done and im done and whatever just leave me the fuck alone
PS: why cant you just believe that i actually do care for you. but that your too fucked up. naybe that is why i love you? idk either way just give me another chance to make it up to you. please??

Riiiiiiggggght! I somehow found my way into a bunch of gooosssip with people I don’t know. I love it! All the gossip I got in the vault I can’t tell, cause I KNOW those people and somehow i got involved with some MelWhoKnows Place! Anyway, so Playground Sex must of really fucked up. Two chicks hate him, both maybe crazy, one was dying (and she sounds pretty boss from the email I can’t share) and the other is good at the internet. He can’t realize he should delete his email. And, I happened to fuck him in a dreamcatcher. Oh, if we had a midget and a monkey I would be in the internet Passions!
Oh and this was the first one I got but I put it last because I don’t even know why I would care. News Flash dudes have friends…?:
10:15 AM PS: Are u doing idiotarod this year?
10:17 AM Some Chick: yes
with lady bro/other lady bro
PS: oh ok
SC: didnt know they were separate
PS: seperate teams
yeah
10:18 AM is there a 4th on your team?
SC: bros bf
and another girl or 2
PS: oh, i forgot she has a bf
SC: yeah
hes nice tho
10:20 AM PS: im sure, its just weird that she has a bf bc shes always on dates
10:21 AM SG: well i guess she found a good one
PS: anyways, thats cool. just wondering
see you later
10:24 AM SC: ok

I love getting up in people’s shit when I don’t know them! He doesn’t use that email really anymore but I kind of want to just keep email him for no reason so I can get my fix on! I don’t have tv you know. I realized the other day he reminds me of Tom Selleck! I couldn’t put my finger on who he looked like but then all this drama happened and of course I thought of The Young And The Restless! Oh and if you like the picture up there you can get more Selleck/Sandwich/Waterfall action here.
Ladies, if this kind of “xoxo – Gossip Girl” shit has happened to you – do tell!

xoxo,
Gossip Squirrel (Leesh Jenks)

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February 18, 2010. corruption, dick, drunk, from deep inside our inbox, gossip, known pornographers, sex in public, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Two Guys, One D….. the threesome

To many it’s the ultimate fantasy, to some (like muah), it’s just one of those things that happened in the travels of life. I can’t really say that I ever thought I would end up in one, but… I did. It was probably about 4 years ago during one of those ‘transitional phases’ in life where your just wondering with the good times. I went to an art show in philadelphia lookin for free booze and, you know, a good time. Next thing I know I’m at the afterparty, then after the afterparty is the real after party. We were all in dude’s hotel room. Drinks and drinks later I was chasing one dude through the hotel in my underwear… ah, good times. We were actually looking for a pool, but there was running and half nakedness so, you get the point. Next thing I know I’m in the hotel room making out with the artist, oops, his friend was still there. His friend, being the obviously sly guy that he was put some porn on. I’m making out, grabbing around, getting naked, and his friend jumps in. He starts licking my pussy while I began sucking the other dudes dick. Let me tell you, a threesome sounds fun, but it’s actually a lot of work! You have to make sure no one gets board, so I’m flippin around, sticking my pussy in each’s face (after all, it’s a threesome, not a gang bang ladies). This goes on for a while till we get walked in on by a bunch of their other friends… so I had to choose my next adventure. I grabbed the friend, who obviously knew what he was doing, and took him into the bathroom. We fucked in the shower, and alas, the threesome turned into a onesome. When we went back into the room everyone was passed out. There were people on the floor, on the beds, and out I went. When I woke up in the morning I was digging around for my stuff… FUCK, the strap on my new platform shoes were broken! Them shit costs me fifty bones! But, a bone for a bone, and one fucking hobbly walk of shame… so, here’s a tribute to my favorite threesome;

January 14, 2010. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Candy Rain Theme Song!!!

What!!! Ok, so the other day I said I wasn’t super into the New Orleans bounce…. FUCK ME! THAT SHIT RUUUULES!!!!! It rules so hard, i think I threw my ass out last night jammin in the office… I love it so much it’s our new fucking theme song. Momma’s the one you like, I ride the dick like a bike… wanna fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck all night!!!!!!

January 13, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Gather round the family for candy rains holiday movie

January 12, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

ing gunSo the werd on the candy dick road issss…

We are having momentary neurotic difficulties installing pre-linked video on to wordpress…but we can UPLOAD!!

January 12, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Will You Be My Number 2


Kels really kills it with this track. You have to listen to it off his myspace right now. I looked up the lyrics and this is what I found straight off metro lyrics. Perhaps written by the man himself.

It’s his best track since trapped in the Closet in my opinion. Peep my thoughts in bold.

Be My Number Two

verse 1:

i could never be ya boyfriend

cuz uu knoe ii gotta speacil girl

(yeap, exactly as I copied it)

nd ii cud never be ya husband

but dht dnt mean uu still dnt rock ma world

nd ii can uu take uu to an island

(what the hell is with the double u)

we can be there just the two of us

god ii love to see uu smilin

all i ask is that you keep it hushed

chorus:

be ma #2

gurl i love you

be my #2

gurl i need you

be my #2

gurl ur so fine (I think he says “so phat” first?) (so fine)

be my #2

but you will never be my #1 (echo x3)

verse 2:

ii cud take you out to dinner

but theres a couple places we wont go

cuz #1 is a beginner

nd theres a couple things that she dnt knoe

(right? is ths shrt hnd?)

so i can take you to a hotel

we can be there just the two of us

gurl i love you cuz uu dnt tell

nd uu knoe how to keep it hush hush

chorus:

be ma #2

gurl i love you

be my #2

gurl i need you

be my #2

gurl ur so fine (so fine)

be my #2

but you will never be my #1 (echo x3)

hook:

The way you give it to me

ii gotta have it (have it)

cuz shes ma beauty queen

nd ur ma have it (haa–aave it)

(habbit?)

so baby…..

chorus:

be ma #2 (yea)

gurl i love you (ooo i love you)

be my #2

gurl i need you (gurl ii need you)

be my #2

gurl ur so fine (so fine)

be my #2

but you will never be my #1 (echo x3)

It may sound crazii

be my number 2

ur my second baby

be my number 2

???????????????

wud uu lyke to me ma number 2

(oooo.oooooooo.oooooooooooo.)

listen to me

though i love your sex

i cant.i cant leave her

(nono)

though ya ass is incredbile (incredible)

i cnt.i cnt leave her

(nono)

see

we cud have fun

nd we cud do things gurl

we can do anything uu wnt

nd do it all night long

uu cud be ma number 2

uu cud be ma number 2

ii wanna hve some fun with you (yea!)

nd she dnt have to know

all the thounges (WHAT?) behind doors

(yeaaaa.ooooyea ooo)

For whatever reason he leaves out the best part! So I included it:

Dj Wayne Williams

I see you baby

Untitled ya’ll

Dance

Like you just don’t care, haha

Oh, we gone with this one, we out of here with this one.

Ummm,,,to all you hating motherfuckers, yeah. All you hating motherfuckers.uhhuh,

All you hating motherfuckers, slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.

One of the best comments on the youtube of that song was something along the lines of “Kels, after getting in trouble for dropping number one on a young ass bitch; don’t drop a number 2!” Well, I think that is just how I read it but you get the idea. Regardless Kelz is my number 1! The lyrics above remind me of a string a text messages I got late one night after a Candy Rain party. I wish I still had them in my phone but I will try to do them justice.

random text: I wanna show my dick

me: who is this?

RT: genitulla neffu

Now how did I forget a man named Genitulla Neffu?

m: who?

it took a minute but then I realized he was probably talking about this dude that I call “genitalia.” I am party-deaf and the first time I meet him I made him say his mame abou 5 times and every time I heard Genitalia.
“Do you know Genitalia?”

RT: yea, he my ukle

Ohhhh. ok. So you want to show your dick?

p.s. I’m wasted right now and I shouldn’t be hating on grammar, especially since I almost spelled that like aligating on grammar.

December 12, 2009. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Willie the Warlock


This man is dangerous ladies….very, very dangerous. Who knew Unicorn shockers and Pixie Dust would complement a bow-tie ensemble so well? Le Sigh…

Til Next Time – Rubbin’ Out
xxLylaDurdeNxx

December 9, 2009. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

DICK TOWEL


http://dicktowel.com/dicktowel.html

December 4, 2009. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

December 1, 2009. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

the candy rain party was radical!!

even though it was literally raining all night, and i was in a spaceboot, dancing with a cane all night, i still had a good time!
thanks to baby for the pictures!

more to come!
ps- i got cake like everyday my birthday…..thanks weezy!

-dre

November 19, 2009. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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