Get Sucked into Snatch Monster.

I was googling “something to carry dicks in” and I came across this doozy of a site, Snatch Monster.

Part of the inscription on this painting was translated to: “I too want to rub and rub my suckers at the ridge of your furry place until you dissapear and then I’ll suck some more.” Clearly this is an OctoSuckYoPuss, a lesbian demon octopus that sucks the life out of your pussy–I mean clearly. Also, thanks Snatch Monster for the zebra dick. I have no idea how I missed that dong while doing research for Animal Boners (see below).

May 16, 2009. animals, calisha jenkins, drunky brewster, the japanese. Leave a comment.

Oldie but a goodie.

Sometimes it pays to be unemployed and have time to sit around looking at you and your friends’ lives over the past few years on flickr.

With all my spare time, I was able to find a gem such as this, with a Beater herself looking a trouser snake dead in the eye!

May 16, 2009. boner, Brooklyn, calisha jenkins, life goes on, the chickenhut. Leave a comment.

It’s the month to paddle down the poon lagoon!

My labies at BUST clued me into the fact that we are in the midst of celebrating National Masturbation Month! To celebrate I bring you my fave Vaginia Power clip evs.

Get your she-bop on ladies!

May 6, 2009. alexyss tylor, calisha jenkins, fantasy dick, recession friendly masturbation, vagina power. 3 comments.

Yesterday’s Texts.

(image from

I got this text yesterday afternoon.

“It sucks you have to go to work. thanks for being a great host! I will see you soon I’m sure. mwah!”

For some retarded reason, my phone doesn’t always show people’s names when they text me so I never know who’s hitting me up. It was an 804 number so I figured it was someone I knew. I texted back, “Who’s this.”

“Claire. You’re dumb. haha.”

Claire! Total bro from Richmond. Now I was confused as shit. Was she at my crib? “Dude this is Callie, what are you talking about? Are you in town?”

“Claire! not Callie.”

Me: “No, I’m Callie, you’re Claire.”

“haha like Crackie’s Callie? I am so confused.”

Me: “Yeap I think you originally texted the wrong person lady.”

“You are in my phone as this boy I banged last night. haha. I don’t know how you got there. hahahaha”

What an assperson! I hope she keeps me saved in her phone under “boy I banged last night”and then finds his real number somewhere.

March 14, 2009. calisha jenkins, richmond, textual seduction. 1 comment.

It’s the Snuggish Ruggish Bone

Wednesday night we celebrated the international players’ holiday that is Calisha Jenkins’s day of birth. Last weekend we were educating some young bucks, whose blunt we were scheming on natch, about our Ligerbeat mission. It’s still pretty new, after all, and we have yet to exhaust the endless appeal of disclosing our status as pornographers to unsuspecting strangers. One guy’s reaction was to tell Calisha that she looked “experienced,” then offered a sweet “but the lighting’s pretty bad in here.” Thanks, guy. A few days away from the big two-seven, our poor little bean took this to heart, and was determined to make this the best twenty-seventh birthday she had ever had. Cue the Sex and the City theme music over a crunk beat if you must.
The Japanther and Ninjasonik dudes hit us up about a secret show with Spank Rock at the Chief Mag showspace (a vacant bodega) around the way, so that’s where the evening started out.

Yeah, that’s a Snuggie and a Budweiser bathing suit. Can we get some sponsorships over here or what?

Next we bounced to Happy Ending for a Ligerbeat-approved set by Dirty Finger and Teen Wolf. See that guy cowering behind his arm, bracing for impending Snuggie hurricane impact? He beefed with us about a bathroom line and said, and I quote, “If this was five years ago, I would break this glass over your fucking head.” To which CaLeisure responded by dance attacking his face. Later he tried to buy her a drink and was overheard asking Yung Ho what she thought his chances of taking the birthday girl home were. Douche-che-che-che.

epic bday.

February 13, 2009. calisha jenkins, dance party, known pornographers, snuggies. Leave a comment.

Elvis the Stripper With the Wrong Address

Two years ago this stripper showed up at my apt in Bushwick. He had the wrong address but he came up anyway. True story.

Stripper, why aren’t you stripping?
Calisha Jenkoff

January 16, 2009. calisha jenkins, chloe, drunky brewster, elvis, fabrisha dankins, magic, stripper, zales. 1 comment.