Snuggie Wuggie Was a Bear

Oh the Snuggie – cherished friend and familiar. When you’ve mistaken the fog in the air for the 8 AM fog in your brain and trek to work one pair of leggings too short – The Office Snuggie is there for you. When you are 2 days in to your monthly rendevous with Aunt Flow, watching Too Wong Foo know full well that inhaling your pint of B&J Phish Food is a very bad idea – The Couch Snuggie doesn’t judge you…in fact he toasts your bloated toes. Now ladies, allow your heart of hearts to skip with glee as I share with you a revelation – The Bedroom Snuggie! That’s right, pick off the leaves and the dog hair (and explain to your roomates that the Couch Snuggie will be indefinately M.I.A.) ‘cuz this Snuggie’s goin’ DownTown! Follow our friends at the Snuggie Sutra for great tips and tricks on how to bring your Snuggie in on the threesome. My personal favorite is the ‘Superwoman’, the caption reads, “She wears the Snuggie on her back. He holds the other end in his teeth. You are super if you can hold yourself up and keep him quiet at the same time.” BAH BAAAM!
Til Next Time – Rubbin’ Out
xxLyla DurdeNxx

November 18, 2009. kama sutra, sex positions, snuggies. Leave a comment.

UFO: Unexplainable Fucking Obsession

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You know how they say you can’t help who you fall in love with? Like on some star-crossed lovers shit? Or when your dorky ass had a crush on the most popular boy in class? Well meet my new unexplainable fucking obsession, Vince Offer. Better known as “the ShamWow Dude” or “the Slap Chop Guy”, I can’t help but find him kinda irresistible. Perhaps it is my preoccupation with all things infomercial related (ex. snuggies), but I find myself drawn to this magic huckster like a moth to the soft glow of a television set. First off, his infomercials are by far the most entertaining of any that are currently on air. While Billy May’s fat bearded ass manages to wax poetic on the virtues of Oxyclean while somehow maxing out the volume on your TV set, Vince hawks his wares with a sexy, almost Groucho Marx-like panache.

Listen closely for the nuggets, as he spits them rapid fire like a one-sided rap battle. Nuggets such as “Your gonna be in a great mood all day cause your going to be slapping your troubles away”, “…Now you have a nice tuna salad. Your going to have an exciting life now”, and “Life’s hard enough as it is, you don’t want to cry anymore”, when talking about an onion. A fucking onion! Genius, this man is!
My favorite is when he looks at the camera and says “Your gonna love my nuts.” And you know what?
Fuck the haters, I do love his nuts.

March 3, 2009. celebrity crushes, cooking, infomercials, snuggies, UFO's, youtube. 5 comments.

Fuck Yeah Snugggaaaaaayyy!!

“I wish they made Snuggie porn.”

March 3, 2009. infomercials, music video, rappers, snuggies, youtube. Leave a comment.

It’s the Snuggish Ruggish Bone

Wednesday night we celebrated the international players’ holiday that is Calisha Jenkins’s day of birth. Last weekend we were educating some young bucks, whose blunt we were scheming on natch, about our Ligerbeat mission. It’s still pretty new, after all, and we have yet to exhaust the endless appeal of disclosing our status as pornographers to unsuspecting strangers. One guy’s reaction was to tell Calisha that she looked “experienced,” then offered a sweet “but the lighting’s pretty bad in here.” Thanks, guy. A few days away from the big two-seven, our poor little bean took this to heart, and was determined to make this the best twenty-seventh birthday she had ever had. Cue the Sex and the City theme music over a crunk beat if you must.
The Japanther and Ninjasonik dudes hit us up about a secret show with Spank Rock at the Chief Mag showspace (a vacant bodega) around the way, so that’s where the evening started out.

Yeah, that’s a Snuggie and a Budweiser bathing suit. Can we get some sponsorships over here or what?

Next we bounced to Happy Ending for a Ligerbeat-approved set by Dirty Finger and Teen Wolf. See that guy cowering behind his arm, bracing for impending Snuggie hurricane impact? He beefed with us about a bathroom line and said, and I quote, “If this was five years ago, I would break this glass over your fucking head.” To which CaLeisure responded by dance attacking his face. Later he tried to buy her a drink and was overheard asking Yung Ho what she thought his chances of taking the birthday girl home were. Douche-che-che-che.

epic bday.

February 13, 2009. calisha jenkins, dance party, known pornographers, snuggies. Leave a comment.