I am living in a recession of hard dicks.

You would think that being a porn star would mean that it’s easy to get laid. You would assume that by the mere mention of my profession, dicks would start pre-cumming immediately at the idea of visiting the wonderland that is my pussy. I don’t know if there was a curse put on me, but I am seeking help to have it lifted.

It’s Saturday night. I’m at a show. It’s early, so the place is full of all the touring bands. My friend helped set up the show, so he starts introducing me to the bands. One was from NY, and when their van broke down they let my friends stay with them in Rochester for a week. There was something about one of the guys: his face was so familiar and his voice was comforting. We opened our 40 oz’s of Old English and began talking. I love dick just as much as the next girl, but a guy has to pass a few test before he does the ligerslide. You have to know about music. You have to be passionate about something in your life. You have to have some knowledge about gender roles and its effect on society. You have to practice safe sex. You have to be awesome. And you have to have a sense of humor. I don’t care what you look like, but if you can’t laugh at yourself then you have to go.

He meets each requirement without even trying. He is talking to me, and I’m thinking about how good it’s going to feel on top of him. His band plays. I want to fuck him more. He tells me he is a anthropology major. I want to fuck him even more. He tells me he think I am a strong woman. I get wet. We exchange numbers. His band has to leave to play a last minute show on the other side of town. We text. I go home. A few hours later he is in a cab in front of my house.

He comes upstairs and I smoke a bowl while I am making us food. We talk about having weird parents and how dating is overrated. I put a record on and I pack another bowl. He leans over and kisses me. His hands are warm against my face. He is gentle but at the same time still aggressive. I have been wet for hours. He places his left hand on my breast and starts to slowly unzip my pants. I love how this is progressing. His cold fingers feel amazing on my clit and his dick is so hard I have to have it in my mouth. It is hard not to cum right away. I remove my shirt and he removes his clothes.

He is black-haired and handsome. His body feels soft pressed up against mine. I look at his beautiful dick and we decide which condom will work best. He puts a SKYN on and turns me around to fuck me from behind. He starts off slowly teasing me with random hard thrust. We change positions and he’s on top of me I look at him and there’s something wrong.


I try to save my potential orgasm. I use war tactics. I get on top of him and shove my breast in his face. I can see my orgasm at the finish line, and I’m so close. His dick gets softer and softer. I lose the race. He assures me that it’s not me, it’s him. I assure him that I know this. He feels so horrible. He thinks this is the first time this has happened to me. If only he was right.

There was awkward silence for a few seconds. I was not going to let this soft dick ruin the amazing time I was having with him. I told him no sweat, it happens to dudes all the time. And it’s true. I would rather have a guy stop having sex with me then allow his dick to get soft inside of me. I hate soft dicks with every inch of my soul. A sleeping penis is completely unacceptable. A few minutes later we were laughing about it and the weirdness was gone.

If it wasn’t for Ligerbeat, I don’t think I would have felt comfortable talking to him about it after the loss of the boner, but I was so interested in what was going on in his mind. Some people just can’t fuck outside of relationships. Some people are still in love with other people. Some people just aren’t interested. Overall, I had a great time. I told him that I was going to write about him. He is worried that I am going to destroy his sexual credibility. I told him Ligerbeat will make him a star. He is pretty wonderful.


March 15, 2009. dick, masonroselee, softies. 2 comments.