I’m Mos Def Trying to hit that

So the other night I was getting Blazed and was listening to the new Mos Def album for the 100th time. I have always been a huge fan of this dark chocolate drumstick since his early rhyme’n dayz. As a brown skinned sister with her roots twisted deep in punk rock and rap I am feeling the album almost as much as I’m trying to feel up on Mos D’s. So I thought hey I’m a balla why don’t I just book him for a private show. So I smoked a bit more then wrote his booking agent. Here is his reply and my response.
(this is the short email I got from his booking agent)
subject to change —
Mos Def
$275,000 – $325,000 plus all costs.

Please advise if you would like to proceed with this artist – or if you would like to consider lower priced alternatives

(my response)
I wrote that email when I was high and listening to the new album (which is really tight by the way). I am glad you wrote back because it completely slipped my mind.I own a store, a magazine and a venue but that would be all my savings. So if I pay the $325,000 dollars what does that include. Does he come with his own weed or do I have to supply it? Is there any cunnilingus included? Does he do any R Kelly Covers? Does he know R Kelly? Would he be interested in being interviewed for my magazine Ligerbeat? Well if he is interested in being interviewed for my magazine then I am more than interested in getting the ball rolling for booking this event.


Does he have any problems with performing in front of an all female audience Porky Pig Style bottomless. Please get back to me ASAP before my calender fills up again. Have a great day.


I like this pic cause I like my man to have a bit of hood in him.

July 16, 2009. masonroselee, mos def, R Kelly, rappers im trying to fuck. Leave a comment.

So I was having one of those google R. Kelly nights that a woman has from time to time. And I googled R. Kelly dick and this picture came up. It would be wrong not to share. I don’t even have a real response to this.


June 17, 2009. R Kelly, r kelly dickilicious fuckcake. Leave a comment.

Dudes in clothes: gift wrapping a sausage.

It started with Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling. And now we have What Chuck Wore. Sometimes I look in a dude’s eyes to see the base of the dick, you know. Also, let it be noted I met Mr. Bass at a real swanky open bar party for Eva Amurri’s bday (natch, I was double-fisting a ‘Goose dirty martini and a glass of Cristal). I strolled over to him and started chatting him up about how I wanted to interview him for BUST; we made our way over to a corner where he sang Remix to Ignition to me in a British accent while that other dude from Gossip Girl with the gay face stood by looking gay. A friend of mine went to a GG wrap party where I instructed him to remind my new flame of how deep his love for me was and that if he wanted we could do the entire interview in song a la Trapped in the Closet, and that would rule my world. Sadly, he must sing Kels to errrrybody, or he was fully loaded, ’cause he didn’t remember that magic moment at all. Either way, at least I remember the serenade. And seriously even if it wasn’t Chuck Fucking Hotness Bass I would have totally fallen for any British rendition of Kels, unless it was I Believe I Can Fly…just shut the fuck up with that. 

So yeah, sometimes I look at dudes in clothes and I like it, don’t hate.


May 8, 2009. celebrity crushes, chuck bass, R Kelly, ryan gosling. Leave a comment.

Flight of the Conchords vs R Kelly

Calisha Jenkins walked in the door and told me there was a R. Kelly inspired song on the last episode of Flight of the Conchords. Immediately our night was transformed. I fucking fucking love this song. I would love nothing more than for Jemaine and Bret to be on the cover of Ligerbeat beat side my side with their dicks in two hot dog buns covered with ketchup and mustard while relish was being squirted out of their d-licious Lord to the Rings dingdongs. Christ Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Everything we do is based on R. Kelly.

known pornographer

February 25, 2009. Bret McKenzie, flight of the conchords, Jemaine Clement, R Kelly. Leave a comment.