Ready, Set, XXX-MAS/Coitukah/Kamazaa!!!!

Well, here it is – ’tis the season once again. The air is a chilly like a lady with no willy and there are lists and plans aplenty to be made. Here’s what I’ve got goin’ on so far:

1.) Slip an especially dirrrty remix of ‘Santa Baby’ into the looping snoozfestival that is the office ‘Holiday Soundtrack’. (Priority #1!)
2.) Plan a Pornament Party with the gals; inspired by this lovely ‘piece’ of work on etsy by madame Silletto . And hey, who needs to roast chestnuts when you can cast, mold, and hang them in ribboned glory about the house for your inlaws? EnvironMolds has a great how-to articles and shopping links. Seeing as how there is a definite lack of dick menorahs on the market – me ‘n the ladies may have to make our own.
3.) Cook up some Sugar and Spice for my boys on lists ‘Naughty’ and ‘Nice’. For the trolls of old, perhaps The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue would make an excellent Kwanzaa Zawadi. Or better yet, for the rrreally old ex, perhaps this man girdle is order. But for Mister(s) Nice, Tim Butler at askmen.com has put together a titillatingly tantalizing list of Christmas Sex Positions; the elfin frolicking with helium sounds like an especially uproarious time.
4.) Gear up for the Candy Rain Magazine New Year’s party!! Details to come soon!

The count down has begun, Ladies!

Til Next Time – Rubbin’ Out
xxLyla DurdeNxx

November 30, 2009. cunnilingus, man girdle, party, pornament, sex positions. Leave a comment.

Someone make me A Candy Rain Version of this!

Just replace that dude with some awesome chick and maybe change all the poop to cum and obvs all the chicks to dudes with sweet boners. Someone, anyone, I need this in my life.

November 22, 2009. Jérémie Perin, truckers. Leave a comment.

the candy rain party was radical!!

even though it was literally raining all night, and i was in a spaceboot, dancing with a cane all night, i still had a good time!
thanks to baby for the pictures!

more to come!
ps- i got cake like everyday my birthday…..thanks weezy!

-dre

November 19, 2009. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Snuggie Wuggie Was a Bear

Oh the Snuggie – cherished friend and familiar. When you’ve mistaken the fog in the air for the 8 AM fog in your brain and trek to work one pair of leggings too short – The Office Snuggie is there for you. When you are 2 days in to your monthly rendevous with Aunt Flow, watching Too Wong Foo know full well that inhaling your pint of B&J Phish Food is a very bad idea – The Couch Snuggie doesn’t judge you…in fact he toasts your bloated toes. Now ladies, allow your heart of hearts to skip with glee as I share with you a revelation – The Bedroom Snuggie! That’s right, pick off the leaves and the dog hair (and explain to your roomates that the Couch Snuggie will be indefinately M.I.A.) ‘cuz this Snuggie’s goin’ DownTown! Follow our friends at the Snuggie Sutra for great tips and tricks on how to bring your Snuggie in on the threesome. My personal favorite is the ‘Superwoman’, the caption reads, “She wears the Snuggie on her back. He holds the other end in his teeth. You are super if you can hold yourself up and keep him quiet at the same time.” BAH BAAAM!
Til Next Time – Rubbin’ Out
xxLyla DurdeNxx

November 18, 2009. kama sutra, sex positions, snuggies. Leave a comment.

Peep These Party Pics!

Check out the Village Voice slide show on the mayhem here! More to come soon and please send us more if you got em! And please send us your party tales, from what I heard some crazy shit went down.

November 17, 2009. candy rain, cuddle puddle, party, village voice. Leave a comment.

Cuddle Puddle Breakdown

It was Friday the 13th, and the early New York skyline looked as though it would live up to the date’s incorrigible dogma. But for the women who were in the know, the skies could only be ‘rainin’ men’ at Liger Beat’s official unveiling of its new moniker, Candy Rain.

From the ‘burg over to the ‘slope, and from the ‘heights down to the ‘stuy, all of Brooklyn came to represent and give sugary kisses to the Candy Rain Girls. The night warmed up with a bang as the first guest gladly whipped out his Johnson for the camera. And he wasn’t the first dashing dude to take advantage of Candy Rain’s signature recession buster: A dick pic trade for free cover. We collected over 100 shots of longs, skinnies, balonie ponies and leaner wieners for your viewing pleasure my fair ladies. All to be seen in our upcoming issues of course (*winks*). Though yours truly was on ‘pep talk the CoverDood Contestants’ duty for most of the first bands, I couldn’t resist but to get my mini mosh on for Womb Ripper’s wicked set. But I must say my fan fave of the night was for sure Plush & Harmony’s sweet rendition of ‘Candy’. Replete with butterscotches and dum dums on stage (which shortly thereafter fell victim to the mouths of hungry women devoid of a 5-second rule); Felicia Plush rose majestically to the stage in a pantsless shocking pink sequined leotard that would make even GaGa writhe with jealousy while Reginald Harmony strummed to his lady’s cooing in the hawtest pair of bronze hot pants this side of Germany. It was sexilicious, and a great limbering up for the event of the evening – the Candy Rain CoverDood Contest.

Reining over the proceedings in a vintage Laura Ashley masterpiece was Madame Calisha Jenkins, who corralled the first round of hotties before their lady judges (dusty white wigs included!). The first horse out of the gate (or boxers rather) was our boy from Hood Ink – never makin’ the ladies wait for the main attraction. The obvious dry ups were shooed away quickly after a few seconds of ‘I’m sooo not with that guy’ dance moves, leaving a tasty harvest behind. The team work was on point in Round Two, with the boy’s hot body pyramid coming in a very close second to the beauty with the magic hands – Ladies, this man got a condom on a banana in under 5 seconds flat! Now that’s a talent you can bring to the bank. The crowd was becoming tangibly titillated as the rest of the ponies came out to play. A few unsuccessful stage dives (“b*tch I ain’ catchin’ your drunk ass!”) and sexy pull ups later we were on to the Feats of Strength: a pantsless airplane ride for our three lucky volunteers. The competition was fierce as it came down to only two – the Pretty boy and our boy at Hood Ink. Though Pretty was looking to be the for sure winner, he booooombed at the final test. Ladies we asked this dood, “How do you know she came?” and the subsequent “Uuuuugghhh” was seriously stoppin’ up the waterworks, that’s until Hood Ink came to the rescue with the perfect answer: “I know she came when I can feel it in my mouth!” Bah BAAAM! And the saucy Spaniard took the trophy and our wet dream. Look forward to his cover shoot featuring guns and black lights and check out his amazing glowy tats. And now if you’re wondering what the major malfunction was with the runner up, I got it on the up and up from my beautiful GBFF, Caramel Blondé, that the babe was definitely not knockin’ boots with any cowgirls if you know what I mean (alls the better for us that our stallion was straight). Turning around from the contest, we were greeted by a rad æon-esque aerial performance – with the one and only Lady Circus suspended in the air over us by a metal link chain. The rest of the evening was for the Dance-a-holics and our boy DirtyFinger on the tables was tearin’ it up. If you missed it, you’re certainly a sorry suckah – but no worries my fair, we’ll be back at cha before you can say sweet dick!

Til Next Time – Rubbin’ Out

xxLyla DurdeNxx

November 17, 2009. 171 lombardy, benefit, Brooklyn, candy rain, coverdood, dick pics, dirty finger, fundraiser, hood ink, Liger Beat, loft party, plush n harmony, porn, pornography, tattoos, womb ripper. Leave a comment.

We’re Back! Don’t Miss Our Best Party Yet This Friday!

This Friday we are getting crazy loose! As most of you know we had to change our name due to some legal BS, come celebrate the first party to benefit Candy Rain Magazine! Doors at 9:30. $5 but free if you show your dick at the door before 1:30. Coverdude Contest at 2! A performance from Ladies Circus plus Great Tiger, Guts For Garters, http://www.myspace.com/wombripper, Plush and Harmony, plus DJs Free Danger, Reverend McFly and Dirty Finger! Our legendary raffle, plus free condoms from No Condom No Way. Sponsored by Babeland and our love of dicks.

November 11, 2009. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Ewan McGregor gets naked for FEMINISM BITCHES!

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/40863123.html

November 9, 2009. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

They Can Even Dye A Condom To Match My Gown? Jolly Good Town.

I am really not into Lady Gaga’s music but I am in love with her look and the more I hear her talk the more I wish I liked her music. She was accepting an award at the 13th annual Accessories Council Exchange and informed all them bitches what her favorite accessory really is:
“I think we must all remember that the ultimate accessory is the condom.”

Hell to the yes! I hope she redoes the Kermit the Frog look with a bunch of condom decked dildos! She then went on to say that even though she loves to don a condom; music writing to her is about going raw dawg, “”Writing a record is like dating a few men at once. You take them to the same restaurants to see if they measure up, and at some point you decide who you like best. When you make music or write or create, it’s really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you’re writing about at the time.”

I love that. Though on the real, you should still look at that idea in the light before you get loose with it – just to make sure it doesn’t have any weird discoloring or bumps, nahwhaimsayin. Idea warts – not the best look, it can get hard to sell and then they spread to all your other ideas, and then you have to call all those ideas and explain what happened and have them call everyone that listened to the idea…

November 4, 2009. accessories council exchange, condoms, kermit the frog, lady gaga. Leave a comment.