What’s Black and White and Destroys Childhood Memories?

THIS THING

So at the behest of good friend and certified Internet Archeologist Ryder Ripps, I’ve been spending a lot of time cruising down the old information super-highway. Let me tell you something folks, the internet, it’s like, really interesting. And not in a condescending italics kind of way either. If you’re hella nasty at Google, you can find some shit that will blow your mind.
However, I do more mid-range internetting, generally perusing the internet picture dumps of yesteryear, various and sundry lolcat sites, and catching up on the new hot memes and such. Well, while going about my little Intro to Interweb Culture, I came across these pictures of  latex fetishist, or ‘Rubberists‘. While I’ve never been one to poo-poo on fetish culture, and have been know from time to time indulge in a few of my own, the PVC/Rubber fetish has always struck me as a wee creepy.  Anywhoo, so’s I’m looking through all these pictures and something about this photo struck me as vaguely familiar when I realize I HAD THAT EXACT SAME SHAMU FLOATY. Seriously, this thing was my favorite toy when we lived on the waterfront. All in all though I think the fetishy aspect doesn’t nearly creep me out so bad as the thought of a whale with legs. 
Seriously, if whales ever grow legs we are all FUCKED.

August 20, 2009. animals, childhood officially ruined, fetishiting, internet gold. Leave a comment.

Craigslist poetry

Who is this person?! And why won’t he respond to my emails?!

July 28, 2009. craigslist gold, dick, internet gold, welcome to the jungle. Leave a comment.

Babies Creep Me Out

For serious, lesson duly noted.

April 21, 2009. baybays, condoms, internet gold, midgets, the germans, youtube. 2 comments.

Being Safe Is Adorable!

This durex commercial is fucking cute.

April 18, 2009. animals, condoms, internet gold, youtube. 1 comment.

The Notorious P.I.G.

What a slut.

If anyone were to ever compile a list of the greatest looks in history, Porky Pigging would have to be somewhere around the “gold jewelry” and “cute shoes” level of excellence. For anyone who refuses to acknowledge pop culture or is just straight up ig’nant, Porky Pigging is when one dresses soley above the waist, much like the beloved, stuttering cartoon character of your youth. This look works especially well if you happen to be wearing more than one layer up top, like a long sleeve/sweater deal, or my personal favorite, the turtleneck/scarf combo. Killer. Anyways, imagine my absolute delight when I discovered that this awesome look isn’t just for the house anymore!
Embedded video from CNN Video
The best part about it is the guy in Dunkin Donuts they pick to interview. Seriously, he’s like a walking Jeff Foxworthy joke, but you know, funny. I love how he develops this theory about how the pigger is actually some drunk redneck from the Daytona 500 who stole a Corvette. Pft, like he decided it was good idea to get some coffee to sober up or something. Actually, scratch that, I’d probably do the same thing.
However, I also found it hilarious that homeboy also blatantly admits our pigtagonist’s bravery, saying “I usually wait till I get back to the house to do that sort of thing.” Well guess what buddy, some people refuse to be pigeon holed like that. So this leads me to ask, is the world ready to see the Pig as the next big fashion trend? Who knows. But I do know that all it takes is one person, one brave soul, to make the jump off, to start the Porky Revolution.
Yep, that’s all folks.

March 8, 2009. internet gold, Porky Pig, videos. Leave a comment.

Cockigami, or Why the Japanese are Fucking Crazy


There are certain times, usually during elections and such, when a person feels the swell of nationalistic pride upon their breast. Well today, my friends, was such a day. Behold, and be amazed by the wonder that is kokigami. In case his clever little disguise fooled you, that is in fact a penis as a, ahem, private dick. A cross between origami and kirigami, or cut paper art, with a healthy dose of what-the-fuck thrown in, apparently the Japanese have been fucking with this shit for a minute. Below is an 18th century ukiyo-e print featuring a very surprised looking gentleman who seems to be in quite a shock that his she-witch concubine opposite him has turned his goose neck into, well, a goose neck.
A book, called Kokigami: Performance Enhancing Adornments for the Adventurous Man has a whole slew of creative little get-ups for when he gets it up, such as my personal favorite, the Dragon. It also explains ways to get your partner into it, by way of call and response, while also convincing them of your total detachment from reality. Here’s the one from the Dragon:

The Call: “Where are my precious jewels? My treasures? My trophies? Are they hidden there inside your dark cave”
The Reply: “Come on hot stuff! Careful the iron gates don’t snap shut and sever your burning tongue!”
The Play: With arms outstretched and fingers curled like claws, move forwards warily with the knees bent. The hips may be flicked about spasmodically accompanied by the low seductive roar of a raging furnace.

Oh yeah, furnace toootally raging.

Photo Credits: http://www.kokigami.com

February 13, 2009. internet gold, real sex, the japanese. Leave a comment.