I love the Brits.

We here at LigerBeat have been discussing the wonder and beauty that is the dick shadow. Normally this consists of the shadow a dick itself will cast, making all the world know its here, and ready to fuck(ing) party. The above, however, proves why we as Americans sometimes feel a sense of inferiority to our neighbors across the pond. That, my friends, is a shot of the Westminster Bridge, I’d say probably around dusk. The design on the side for all intents and purposes looks like a bunch of repeating clubs, but we know what those dick-crazy brits were really thinking. I just love the fact that you could sit there, watch the sunset, all the while those things are just growing bigger and bigger and bigger…

January 30, 2009. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Issue One Is Now On Pre-order!

Check out ligerbeat.com labies! Secure your collectors addition first issue now before they all sell out. If you are in Richmond, VA get ready cause we are going on a LigerBeat field trip this weekend for our benefit party there on Sunday. Well be poppin’ bottles for boners all weekend long.

dicks up,
calisha jenkoff
editor-n-queef/pubic relations/known pornographer

January 27, 2009. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

was jesus really a virgin?

Do people really think Jesus was a virgin? Lets dive deep into that world of pornography. Who’s with me. Think about the porn market there. Disciple gang bangs, Mary on Mary, Double penetration with God and the Holy spirit. A three some with the holy trinity. The bible is full of great one liners. I say we go with it. Lets bridge that gap between the church and pornography.


January 27, 2009. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

ligerbeat is the candy land for tasty dicks

random text messages that say “i just got done jacking off two dudes” are starting to become quite normal.

Being on the ligerbeat staff is close to the most amazing feeling in the world.

To be surrounded by d loving strong crazy women is a dream come true. We work hard, We drink hard, We party hard and we bone hard. I feel like I’m on summer vacation and its the middle of winter.

My dear ligers we have big big big plans. We are taking over the porn world with humor and we are bringing you with us. This time next year liger will be a house hold name. Is your guy liger worthy???

I get to see dicks every day I work. Everyday. I just started on a comic strip and I can’t wait to see how its going to turn out. Watch out StanLee. Mason Rose Lee is taking over.


January 27, 2009. ligerbeat, masonroselee, ny, richmond, stanlee. 1 comment.

you will die on the dance floor

I’ve been starring at joanna angels page all day. The sexorcist is the most amazing porno I have ever seen in my life. This weekend marks the first ever porno dance party in Richmond Virginia. The ladies are coming in from NY and we are going to tear this city apart. All hopeful male ligers please bring your boners. Who gives a shit about superbowl sunday when theres Ligerbeat sunday. 18+ my dear friends.

known pornographer

January 27, 2009. dance party, ligerbeat, richmond va. Leave a comment.

Sisters Doin It for Themselves

Lately I have been doing a lot of research on female pornographers and I found this amazing article on babeland. http://www.babeland.com/sexinfo/features/women-porn-directors

In the past five years, women porn directors have come into their own. Women directors are at the forefront of sexy, award-winning, innovative adult productions.

Women Porn Directors

Sisters Doin’ It for Themselves

By Alicia Guinn, Babeland Sex Educator

In the past five years, women porn directors have come into their own. Women directors are at the forefront of sexy, award-winning, innovative adult productions. From traditional couple’s fare to hardcore mainstream girl-on-girl to hot dyke porn, women directors are questioning assumptions about what women’s porn “should be” and are catering to a diversity of tastes.

Tristan Taormino

Better known as a sex educator, advice columnist, and the author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, Tristan Taormino has started directing some of the most creative mainstream porn movies on the market.

Her latest movie, Chemistry, won an AVN Award for the Best Gonzo Release of 2007. Her directorial debut, House of Ass, won at the Feminist Porn Awards for the Hottest Anal Adventure in 2006.

Taormino’s secret to success isn’t better film quality or a better soundtrack. Her skill lies in eliciting hot, enthusiastic performances from well-known stars like Mr. Marcus and Joanna Angel. In her reality TV-style movies, porn stars decide the who, where, what, and when of their scenes. They even film each other. The performers’ control over their performance translates into fun, authentic scenes that titillate viewers who are tired of half-hearted, plug-in-socket porn.

Babeland Favorite: Chemistry

Anna Span

The first female porn director from the U.K., Anna Span specializes in glossy, independent productions with amateur actors. A member of Feminists Against Censorship, Span earned an arts degree in film and video, and her dissertation was a manifesto on women-centered porn. Her movies are distributed through her own distribution company, Easy on the Eye Productions.

Anna Span’s movies highlight amateurs with beautiful, natural bodies who interact in casual, authentic scenes. Span places utmost importance on the comfort of her sets, even hiring all-female film crews to make her female performers feel more comfortable. The result is that the performances come across as genuine and relaxed.

Her movies include a hint of a plot, more dialogue than mainstream films, and sex toys. Span is known for hiring, unknown good-looking male performers. Her movies a good bet for folks who like high-quality, independent porn and love British accents.

Babeland Favorites: Hoxton Honey, Uniform Behaviour


Since 2002, Belladonna has won numerous AVN awards for her scorching hot performances. She’s known for her nasty hot talk, accomplished anal abilities, and her gorgeous, natural tattooed body. But what makes her performances so memorable is her overwhelming enthusiasm for sex.

Belladonna made her directorial debut in 2003 with the scorching hot Evil Pink and has gone on to direct more than twenty movies for Evil Angel Video. Her movie Belladonna’s Fucking Girls won an AVN Award in 2006 for Best All-Girl Feature.

Belladonna’s specialty is hardcore girl-on-girl movies that usually feature herself along with other porn stars. Her movies are full to the brim with dirty talking, contortionist antics, and her giddy performances. They aren’t for the faint of heart.

Babeland Favorite: Belladonna’s Fucking Girls

Candida Royalle

Candida Royalle pioneered the genre of couple’s porn in the mid-80’s. She started her career as an successful porn star during the 70s but founded Femme Productions in 1984 to cater to couples, a niche market she saw neglected by the mainstream porn industry.

Candida Royalle’s movies are the epitome of the couple’s genre—lots of foreplay, dialogue, and a particular focus on women’s orgasms. Her movies feature mainstream porn stars and well-developed plots. They are a hit with folks who like context with their sex and are a safe first bet for couples venturing into the world of porn for the first time.

Royalle is a member of the AVN Hall of Fame, and she won an award for Lifetime Achievement in Women’s Erotica at the Feminist Porn Awards in 2006.

Babeland Favorites: My Surrender, Eyes of Desire 2

Veronica Hart

Another former porn star from the Golden Age of Porn, Veronica Hart started directing and producing films in the mid-90s. She also works within the mainstream porn industry with well-known stars like Chloe and Nina Hartley. She has directed the “comeback” films of porn stars Marilyn Chambers and Ginger Lynn.

Hart earned a B.A. in theater, and her background in acting is evident in her productions. Her movies combine the best of the mainstream porn industry with more intriguing plots and surprising, creative scenes. Edge Play remains a favorite for the quality of acting, innovative plot, and sexual tension between characters.

Hart has directed more than 20 movies and is a member of the AVN Hall of Fame.

Babeland Favorites: Edge Play

Shine Louise Houston

In the past year The Crash Pad has been a phenomenon among folks hungry for hot, slick-looking dyke porn. The director, Shine Louise Houston, has a B.F.A. in film from the San Francisco Art Institute and a background in sex education.

As a sex educator for Good Vibrations, the woman-run sex shop in San Francisco, Shine Louise Houston was frustrated by the lack of authentic, sexy dyke porn films to recommend to customers,. Houston decided to put her degree to work by founding Pink and White Productions with the goal of making “high quality, sensual, queer, adult videos.”

Houston’s independent movies feature queer performers in hot situations. Butches and strap-ons abound. As an added bonus, the movies look good. The production quality is consistently high.

The Crash Pad won an award for the Hottest Dyke Sex Scene at the Feminist Porn Awards in 2006.


January 26, 2009. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

The Mcgiver of Masturbation. Use at your own risk.

Homemade sex toys hardly seem needed in this day and age with all the thousands of different sex toys on the market .You would think that a woman could find every imaginable type of dildo and vibrator online or at the nearest sex toy shop, but what happens if you can’t afford a dildo or are too embarrassed to shop at a sex toy shop? Well, you make a homemade masturbation aid. Women have been making homemade dildos for centuries and the choices range from the obvious cucumber to the not so obvious electric toothbrush. Look below to find a technique that might help you out the next time you need a home made sex aid.

Homemade Masturbation Toys From The Kitchen

Masturbating with Utensils

Try using the back of a spoon to stimulate your clitoris while masturbating or maybe even a large handled ladle that you can insert into your pussy.

Banana Rama

When picking a banana to masturbate with you should use one that is not ripe preferably still green. Always put a rubber on the bananas, with the peel on. never masturbate with a banana without the peel. You run the risk of having it get stuck inside of you if you do it without the peel.

Pear Pleasures

Pick a pear that is really green and hard. Pull off the stem and cover it in plastic wrap. Pushing it into your vagina tapered end first

Lime Time

They are great to just roll around on or sit on and partially insert. They also work very well as a clit stimulator by pressing them in with your palm.

Melons and Dildos

Any melon can work for this technique.

Watermelons (the bigger the better) are the best, cantaloupes are an easier melon to cut into and the texture is nice. however I have enjoyed a ride on a wide variety of melons. Cut a hole in the melon large enough to fit your favorite dildo. You can use a permanent marker to trace the circumference or base of the dildo. Cut the hole slowly with a small pointed knife if you desire a small hole or a large knife. It may look like a Wrap the melon in plastic wrap. Insert your dildo into the hole. Ride the melon like a horse or ride it with your legs back so that you are stretched out to missionary position. From this angle it is really easy to obtain a g spot and clitoral orgasm. I have achieved many combination orgasms from this technique because it stimulated both spots. It is not a sybian machine but it works great. You can use just a melon with plastic wrap and put some oil on the plastic and just ride it without the dildo. This technique is great for a clitoral orgasm.

Pumpkin Snatch

Try to find a pumpkin with the stem still intact and green not brown and brittle. The longer the stem the better for this technique. Put a rubber on the top of the stem and roll it down. You can also cut out a hole big enough for your favorite dildo.

The Vegetable Drawer

The great thing about using vegetables is that you can usually shape them the way that you like. I like to shape with a knife or vegetable peeler. You can carve out your own homemade disposable dildo. Cheaper than the real thing and a creative outlet for those sculptors out there.

Cucumbers to Cum

I highly recommend the English cucumber variety. It is a longer cucumber with lengthwise natural ridges. Regular cucumbers are great, however pickling cucumbers usually have small spiky bumps. They feel good with a rubber if you like the little spikes. You can carve a cucumber to masturbate with but using them intact is quick and easy.

Squash Hits the Spot

I love squash! there are so many varieties, shapes and sizes that I cannot list them all here but a good example to use for masturbation is the yellow summer squash with a crook in its “neck” it is a fun variety to masturbate with. Pick a summer squash with a longer neck, the bigger the curve of the neck the better. Lay on top of the squash so the the “neck” of the squash is inside of you and curved toward your g spot. If you have picked right you can get it to stimulate your g spot while you ride it Try squeezing it tight between your thighs as you probe yourself.

Zucchini in the Bikini

All sizes of zucchini are great for carving. The younger and firmer the zuc is the better.

Carrots, Carrots, Carrots

One of the classic homemade dildos that women have certainly been using for centuries. Great for carving as well into the perfect dildo for you. Experiment each time you masturbate with a new carved shape. You may just find a secret dildo shape that is perfect for your pussy. You can insert carrots from both ends and get a different sensation.

Beer bottles/ wine bottles/ liquor bottles

Dangerous and yet the shape of the bottle is so pleasurable. If you choose to try this homemade masturbation technique be very careful and NEVER put your body weight onto an upright bottle. Use only while laying on your back or stomach and always very gently with your hand only. If you are going to use a bottle as a dildo be sure to watch out for nicks in the glass as well. Picking the perfect liquor bottle can be very rewarding. Many times after an orgasm the bottle contains a good amount of female ejaculation or cum

Melting a Popsicle

Popsicles are a nice icy treat and come in so many different sizes and shapes. Many couples have found out that popsicles are a great addition to the bedroom and many women already new it! I prefer the long spiral or twisting ones for insertion but they work great for cold pressure on your clitoris as well.

Candy is Dandy

Lollipops are great masturbation tools and come in a great selection of flavors and sizes. Next time you are shopping take a look down the candy isle for something new to masturbate with. You will find many phallic shaped sweets at just about every local convenience store. Candy flavors your pussy for eating too.

Plastic Water Bottle Riding

Freeze a water bottle, pull it out put a little oil on it and ride on top of it. You can put it inside of you or just let it slide between your lips while masturbating with your fingers on your clitoris. You can also put hot water in the bottle trying different temperatures to see what feels best against your vagina. The bottles that are ribbed plastic are preferred and there are so many choices in shape and sizes. Big or small they can be very pleasurable because you can control the water temperature. You can also carefully cut the plastic off of one of the smaller sized bottles and use it as an ice dildo.

Bar Stool Tooled

I have a plastic bar stool that has a hole in the center. It is perfect for masturbating with a dildo. I put a towel on the seat and then put my dildo in the hole. The towel helps to keep the dildo in place while bouncing up and down on the home made masturbation machine.

Homemade Masturbation Toys From The Bathroom

Towels and washcloths

Take a few wash clothes or a big fluffy towel and roll them up tight. They are great for riding when covered with a soft nighty or silk sheet. who owns a silk sheet

Electric Toothbrush Masturbation

tape a spoon onto the end of your toothbrush it can be used to press against the clit.

A soft toothbrush head is essential for this technique. Also if you have a toothbrush with removable heads, having one specifically for masturbating is much more hygienic.tape a spoon that is nasty. who ever made this list could build you a bong in 3.2 seconds out of a shoe string and a beer cap.

Electric razor

Feels great with the back pressed up against your clit. It is basically just a vibrator right? Use the handle to press in between your lips and against your anus i wish they would have reminded me not to turn it on.

Shampoo Bottles

A nice rounded cap makes insertion much easier and far mor pleasurable I feel like this list is a survival masturbation guide if its the end of the fucking world.

Hair Brushes

The handles are great for more than holding onto! the handles are also great for spanking

Curling Irons

Do NOT plug it in!. liger beat is 100 percent against this one.

Masturbating on the Toilet

Masturbating on the toilet is one of my favorites. I like to hold my pee and then when I am about to orgasm I start peeing and then squeeze my vaginal wall muscles (kiegal) and stop peeing to allow the pressure to build. I always get so messy from masturbating on the toilet, I have to get in the shower. trying this one out now.

Masturbating in the Bedroom with Homemade Toys

Candles are Hot

Another classic homemade masturbation toy is the candle (not lit of course). Carved or used the way they are you will never look at a candle the same again. Try using just a little bit of lubrication after you cut the wick off. if you feel a burning sensation prior to candle insertion seek gynocological help

Silk Scarves

Pulled back and forth between your lips will make you go wild. Masturbating with nylons, satin robes or pillows with soft silk or satin covers are great for riding as well. just make sure you wash it before you wear your cummy scarf out

Masturbating in the Laundry Room with Homemade Sex Toys

Riding Washing Machines

Washers are not just great for getting your clothes clean. Pressing your clitoris up against the machine during spin cycle feels absolutely amazing. If you have a suction cup dildo you can put it on top the washer and ride it that way or put it on the side of the washer and back up to it. You can ride it or just let it slide between your lips. I would love to walk in on my roomate doing this.

I am pretty certain half these things can kill you. But you are more than welcomed to try and get back at me. Lonely House Wives this is your new bible.



January 25, 2009. ligerbeat, recession friendly masturbation. Leave a comment.

from deep inside of our inbox

ligerbeat loves getting fan mail!
so put it in us! er, our inboxes, that is.
here’s a submission from julie unrulie AKA julie angry.
we love this precious little ligerbeater…thanks ma!

i hesitate to write this as i know its weird but what is ligerbeat if not liberating? i thought id share with you a haiku i wrote [[true story ]] yesterday about a dick that was just too big:

a big black dildo
was too burly for my bag
named it black angus

you go girl! love you.

January 20, 2009. big black dicks, from deep inside our inbox, julie unrulie. Leave a comment.

peace out, bush and dick

today is a new era. i’ve known nothing but bush for all of my adult life–he was sworn in when i was sixteen. and if the economic naysayers are to be believed, we are about to see a depression that’s going to eliminate the middle class and throw the city of new york back to the bygone days of mean streets and chopping crack. luckily, the sex industry is about as close to recession-proof as you can get, after maybe booze, gambling, and steady huggin the block. funds go down, vice goes up, and that works for us. rest assured the labies of ligerbeat will weather the storm in our continuing crusade to eagle eye them dicks for you, our fair readers. mama loves a good challenge.

and so, i want to give a goodbye shoutout to g-dubs and big poppa d. you guys sucked at pretty much everything, but from here, things can only go up, right dick?


commence operation shock and awe…

over and out,
crackie treehorn
coeditor in queef
ligerbeat magazine

ps – you know we will be keeping our eyes peeled for a prized peek at obama’s d…beleedat. maybe then we can begin to make up the damage dick cheney’s mooseknuckle has inflicted upon your bruised and fragile sex drive.

pps – i’m shaving my bush for the occasion.

January 20, 2009. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

dicks on bricks: boner

dicks on the street…street dicks!
no, not that kind of street dick…the other kind.

there is, blissfully, no shortage of cock references in the wonderful world of graffiti. i’ll spare you the obvious puns that could be drawn between the parallels of being a cocky motherfucker and getting your name up in as many places as possible, because that is neither here nor there. we’ll never know why this person picked the name boner, but my guess would be, um, because it’s awesome, and that’s reason enough for me.

at any rate, nothing brings a tear to the eye of a young pornographer like looking up and getting a good eyeful of dickspiration. props to this guy for catching wreck in the name of the d. ligerbeat like totally hearts you.

and now, without further ado, i present to you the niyasty philly stylings of BONER YKK.

stay tuned for further installments of dicks on bricks.
throwies that get your panties wet. chea.

January 19, 2009. boner, crackie treehorn, dicks on bricks. 7 comments.

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