Donnie From Food Dimensions!

Yesterday on the way to a sweet ass bbq me and my rommie stopped at the grocery store. I was waiting outside watching the bikes while she ran in. Not long after she walks inside I hear a whisper, “Hey Sexy.” Instantly bummed cause I knew that it was not going to be Kaine or D-Roc I turned to see Donnie. Donnie at Food Dimensions, he’s the dude that helps people get the groceries into their car. Donnie wants to know if I have a man, of course I lie and say I do. Here is some of what I remember about the conversation, keep in mind I was stoned then and I’m stoned now.

Donnie at Food Dimensions: You have any single friends?

Calisha Jenkins: I’m sure one of them is single.

DAFD: Oh yeah? They fuck with black dudes?

CJ: I’m sure some of them do.

DAFD: How old are they?

CJ: Oh you know a range.

DAFD: (clearly stoked) Oh yeah, like wha about?

CJ: hmm..Imma say 19-35.

DAFD: Oh that’s a good range. And they like black dudes huh. Aight. You tell them to come see Donnie. Donnie at Food Dimensions. I work here. I’m a nice guy. I can hold a conversation. I don’t drink.

CJ: Oh, well that knocks a lot of my ladies out of the running.

DAFD: I don’t mind if anyone else drinks. You can do what you want. I smoke hella weed though. You smoke?

CJ: a lot

DAFD: I’m high right now.

CJ: yeap, me to.

DAFD: Smoked before I left the house. I live right there [points to the closest house] You got weed? It aint got to stop, its never gotta stop [dancing a backwards two step]

CJ: Wha? Did you just sing you and weed were like bees and honey?

DAFD: No, but that’s true. But you got it up in there? [pointing at my purse] I said it aint got to stop, its never gotta stop.

CJ: [I’m laughing my ass off] No, I didn’t bring it with me.

DAFD: I’m a good guy though. Send them to see me at Food Dimensions. But I’m also a thug.

CJ: Oh yeah, what’s the most gangsta thing you’ve ever done?

DAFD: You a cop?

CJ: No, I’m not a cop dude. What’cha do?

DAFD: Guns, fucked with guns.

CJ: Now you know I can’t send my friends over here to hang out with some guy with guns.

DAFD: You don’t have to use them all the time, I smoke weed. But she’ll know I can protect her.

CJ: Oh, well in that case (laughing).

DAFD: Who you live with?

CJ: I don’t think you know them.

DAFD: Oh, did you just slice me. I think you’re trying to slice me. I will cut you up [turns to the other guys that work there] She doesn’t know I will cut her up! I got jokes in the bank she don’t know about [the dudes are doubled over, this dude is cutting me up] I let you slice me once, you got it, you sliced me. But you slice me three times and I’m gonna cut you up. Imma have to start telling jokes!

CJ: I can not wait to hear these jokes.

DAFD: Imma nice guy send me a girlfriend to Food Dimensions.

CJ: Do you like R Kelly?

DAFD: What? What? Do I like R Kelly? Why you asking me that? Of course I like R Kelly. Why, what?

CJ: I don’t really trust people that don’t enjoy R Kelly.

DAFD: Smart, you smart.

CJ: What’s your favorite song?

DAFD: [sings, and really giving it I might ad] There’ll be
Three knocks at the door, my baby
My trench coat hits the floor, my baby
Sit back in the chair, my baby
Cuz I’m about to go there, my baby
And get your body real open, baby
Do what you been hopin’, baby
Tonight I’m gonna pull a switcheroo
Do you mind if I strip for you?

CJ: Well I love it.

DAFD: You wanna know what I wanna do now [I know its gonna piss me off based on the sleazy look he just flashed me]

CJ: oh geez man, what?

DAFD: I wanna spread your thighs

CJ: man Donnie, dude. We were having such a nice conversation.

DAFD: And you’d be grabbin on my head like…

CJ: Man, I’m not going to talk to you anymore. [stuck watching the bikes I start to call my roomie]

DAFD: Your just so pretty.

CJ: Thanks [I’m texting and unnecessarily checking my voice mail]

DAFD: Check out this hat. You haven’t seen me in my hat yet. Not everyone can pull off this hat. I’ll wear this shit in the hood. Take a picture of me in my hat to show your girls. I’m a nice guy. I’ll treat ’em right. Donnie at Food Dimensions.

So ladies, any takers? Hit me up if you’re down. If he hadn’t fucked it up by talking about wanting to eat me out I would totally chat with him again. Sadly, he went there. But at least we know he likes to eat twat. He was really funny though ladies and he never even got to tell me the jokes that were gonna cut me up. He also did kind of remind me of the Ying Yang Twins in the end:

gif by babymabry<3!


June 30, 2009. Uncategorized.

One Comment

  1. Anonymous replied:

    This is amazing… thank you. I actually do hope Donnie gets some soon!

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